*SPOILER ALERT*
Why am I blogging about Glee on a book blog? Well, I’ve blogged about other shows before. I do So You Think You Can Dance Saturdays (ZOMG! It starts THURSDAY!) and Walking Dead Wednesdays with uber snazzy Jen D from Not Now…I’m Reading. Anywho, I just watched the Glee finale. That damn show always makes me cry, but this episode hit a little too close to home. I guess I’m blogging about it because I need to let out some emotion that, quite frankly, I didn’t realize I had. So yes, this is a personal post.
Rachel and Finn, while I saw it coming, did not ride off to bask in the neon lights of Times Square together. Nope. Finn put on his big boy underoos and sent Rachel, who was accepted to Niyada, off to NYC to live out her dream. Without him. He refused to sit by and let her remain behind because he did not make into acting school. He enlisted in the Army to “give back” to his father’s legacy, I suppose, though he states he chose the one place Rachel could not follow him. *sob sniffle bawl* While he ran beside the train as Rachel leaves on a 4:25 for her destiny, I could barely see the TV because I was a mess.
Ok, people get emotional during TV and movies, especially us ladies. However, while the entire scene was touching as hell, I was not crying for them. I was crying for me, and when the shock of that hit…well, the tears fell at an alarming rate. Thanks goodness I was home alone, although having T here right now would have been nice. Talking to him about it, fresh in the moment, would have been even more emotional, however.
You see, I met my husband when I was well on my way to living out my dream. For those of you who don’t know, my entire life changed after seeing Hotel Rwanda in the theaters in 2004. I became a human rights activist. I changed my major to International Studies, studied past and current genocides, led a student anti-genocide group during my undergrad, and applied to join the Peace Corps. I wanted to maneuver myself into a refugee camp and work side-by-side these victims of heinous acts, assisting them in finding some semblance of normality in a world full of violence and hate. Yes, I know how dangerous those jobs are, but I was prepared.
I got accepted into the Peace Corps, but was deferred for a year due to a medical issue that I overcame. During that year, T asked for my phone number, and my entire life changed. I fell in love with the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Of course, this man was not interested in joining the Peace Corps and running into the bloody sunset with me. Not that I blame him. During our first years together, I helped him realize that computer engineering was not his life’s purpose and a new physician was born. T was made for this work and I foresee greatness coming from him.
While T did not pursue the path of Finn and let me save the world (ha), I don’t think him one bit selfish for that choice. What he did help me figure out was that I can use that passion just as much in my own backyard. And so a new social worker was born. Yes, I hope to work with refugees one day, as it truly is what I aspire to do. Atlanta has a huge resettlement population and agencies, so maybe my dream will some day come true. 
I want to make this clear, especially to Dr. Smash if he sees this: I have no regrets. Nada. Zilch. I just don’t think I ever got the chance to mourn the fact that it won’t be happening for me. I did today, and surprisingly, I feel extremely optimistic about our future. And proud. So damn proud of us both. Together, we can accomplish anything.
Love,
Ash
© 2012, Smash Attack Reads. All rights reserved.
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Nice to know about YOU chica and big hugs, my guess is you’d do it the exact same way if you got the chance to do it again.
My guess is the same.
Ash, if I could wrap you up in a BIG hug right now, I would. This blog post made ME cry along with you! I am so glad that you have someone who supports you and who cherishes your support as well. I hope that you do realize all of your dreams someday and know that, with your can-do attitude and fierce determination, you WILL <333
I didn’t mean to make anyone ELSE cry! *hugs you* Thanks for the support. I am kinda fierce…
Sometimes it really hurts when things hit so close to home and you don’t expect it. I’ve had that kind of experiance whilst reading a book and I didn’t know whether to throw it down or not :’)
I’m glad you and your husband are happy and living out your dreams together any way possible. I can’t wait for that day to come for me
Don’t ever give up, and make sure you make all the decisions YOU want to make.
I’m trying, my family is a pain though they want whats best for me but only in the sense that I should be a rich and famous artist/photographer/something art related.
The more I think about it the more I realise that I’d be more happier working in a Library and doing my art in my spare time, as a hobby and not getting forced onto me a job but I try and explain and no one listens.
Just remember: YOU are the one that has to live your life. No one else. And just because they want what is best for you doesn’t mean they know what is best for you. You have to figure that out yourself.
Thanks :’) I don’t want to be a let down to them but I know I’ll habe to do what is best for me.
I knew that Finn and Rachel weren’t going to get married too, but actually seein it happen made me bawl my eyes out as well. The fact that he loved her enough to let her go was enough to make me want to go grab onto PK and another him with kisses. The fact that he joined the Army to give back to his father almost had me on the floor in the fetal position (former military with so many military family members -past and present- I’m surprised I wasn’t born in uniform). It was a beautiful, moving moment… Episode… And I’ll probably be blogging about it later as well.
I didn’t know that you’d joined the Peace Corps or work on the front lines like that. Even though you’ve taken a step back and are now working as a social worker, I find what you’re doing and what you aspire to do extremely admirable. You dream big and the work you do helps so much. Thank you. *hugs*
Thank you. Your support means a ton.
Sometimes it’s the things that don’t happen in life that mold us and make our lives worth living. Had you gone to the Peace Corps you might not know how wonderful having a loving husband is or how rewarding social work can be. I admire you for putting one dream aside in pursuit of happiness. I hope you find what you’re looking for in Atlanta and that all of your dreams come true. You are truly a great person for helping others. You and Dr. Smash seem to be a perfect match.
Interesting how that works, right? And thank you. We are a powerful couple, and I think we will do great things.
True love is freaking EPIC! It really does bring out the amazing in us! So happy to know you have no regrets & are living the life you need to be living!
Also totally excited for your move to ATL! There’s so much awesome here & so many lives waiting for some SMASH-ness!
AGREED! It definitely brought out some amazing things in both of us. It’s like we didn’t know our full potential until we met each other.
And YEA for Hotlanta!
But once you officially live in the ATL, you can never say Hotlanta again-it is totally banned for locals. Haha!
bwahahahaha! I would not have said it to anyone once I lived there. Totally cheesy, but that’s why I love it.
What a beautiful post, my friend!
You may not have realized your dream as you originally intended, but it was for good reason. Life had another plan for you and it involved meeting the man you’d spend your life with and in that, you helped EACH OTHER ♥
Dreams don’t have to die, sometimes they just change
Your future awaits you!
(Now I just need to remind MYSELF of that! lol)
♥Isalys
Amen. We did help each other. And the future is full of promise.
Remember, I always have my flint ready to light some fires!
Love you, chicadee! ♥
Aw! Well I’m sure your social work “in your own backyard” helps a ton of people. I’m sure those people that you help are better off once you help them in the therapy sessions.
I am still very new to the field, but I like to think I plant the seed for change in some of them.
I think we all give a little of our dreams when we find that special someone. Only the dreams aren’t gone, but molded and changed to fit the bright new future with the one you love.
So very true.
ah thats so awesome and touching. Love you xoxo
Thanks sweetheart!
Super cute pic of the hubby and you!
I know what you mean–sometimes we just need to mourn the dreams we gave up/passed by/steered another direction. It doesn’t mean that we don’t love where life has us now, it just means we recognize that we did surrender that dream for another.
((( huggles))))
When one door closes, another opens!
Just when I think I can’t love you guys anymore, you make me fall that much harder. Thanks for showing me that marriage doesn’t have to be this big scary thing that I’ve made it out to be in my head.
On a side note, I don’t think I’ve ever been referred to as uber snazzy. I may or may not have blushed.
*hugs*
Ohhh chica! *huggles you fiercely* As far as marriage goes, when it’s right, it’s right. For whatever reason, T & I just click. We don’t have to work all that hard at it, though that doesn’t mean it’s all perfection or anything. Growing up, I vowed to never marry because of all the failed marriages around me, but when you meet the right person, it all makes sense. If you & Danny don’t want that in your future, then don’t do it! My friend Brooke in Tampa has been with her beau for abt 8 years now. My aunt’s friends in West Palm were together 20+ yrs before they tied the knot for insurance reasons. Sometimes the financial piece of it all just makes more sense, but it can also be the downfall. I don’t know. To each their own. If you both don’t want it, why fix something that ain’t broke?
See! That right there. That’s why I love you! *bear hug*
I remember your story from another post, but it’s always so beautiful to read. I LOVE that picture of the two of you also. I hope that you both realize your dreams.
Thank you Pam! I added some different thoughts in today, ones I hadn’t even realized I had.
Thank you for sharing a deep piece of yourself with us, Ash. I think social workers ARE human rights activists, but if you don’t get to make the impact you want then I hope you do get to pursue your dreams exactly as you envisioned them. Dr. Smash is lucky to have you!
♥♥♥ Thank you so much!
Love, love, love the post AND the picture!!
Shannon
http://www.irunreadteach.wordpress.com
Much appreciated
Dude…I’m totally teary eyed this morning because of this post. Just beautiful! And I was totally bawling like a baby at the end of that finale too, lol.
awwww *huggles you*
[...] glee always makes me cry: Damn that show! It definitely got to me during last season’s finale. [...]